The Devil's name was Dale.
Dale was a small man with a small mind, but he possessed a power over my Mom that would have devastating effects on her, me, my sister, and so many more in the ten years they were together.
As my Mom started drinking more, her judgment became more impaired than ever. At 25 years old with two kids, a broken heart, and the fear that she had been missing out on life, my Mom started to party. Bars every night, meeting random dudes, getting shitfaced drunk, and making bad decisions became the ritual that my Mom craved. As someone who had barely touched alcohol before this, it was like my Mom was making up for lost time because she quickly became a slobbering drunk who would put beers back to the point of not being able to walk straight or speak properly. The funny thing about alcohol is that when you first start drinking it, it’s kind of gross. It tastes weird, it’s hard to swallow, and it makes you feel sick after. But it also tears away those self-imposed restrictions we all have and, for those of us who felt caged for so long, gives us an outlet to find that inner animal that wants to explore all of the feelings we have. That was what happened with my Mom. Shunned by family, awkward around friends, when my Mom met alcohol, everything changed. Her oddities and insecurities faded away. Young and pretty, her social awkwardness and need to stay in the shadows, melted from her body, and soon she was up dancing, having a great time, and forgetting about her troubled childhood and failed marriage. On one of those nights, blitzed by drink, Mom met Dale in some dive bar in Quesnel.
Whether it was because she was so drunk that she didn’t know what she was doing, or her guard was down because of her heartbreak from my Dad’s constant cheating and their breakup, I don’t know. But whatever brought these two together would have devastating effects on my Mom for the rest of her life.
The thing that most people don’t understand about an abusive relationship is that it doesn’t start off with a punch in the face or a kick to the stomach. These connections begin with a smile, a dance, a kiss, and all of the other wonderful things that new love brings; this is how it was with Dale.
My Mom didn’t see a skinny loser - she saw someone who would listen to her where other people never had before. She found someone who made her the center of attention and made her feel like she was the most beautiful and interesting woman in the world. Being raised the way she was, Mom only ever saw herself as a burden to her family, and her family only ever made her feel like she was undeserving of love. Predators feed on these types of things - they pick up on the lack of confidence and self-doubt. When Dale saw my Mom, he knew she was out of his league in terms of looks, but he also picked up on her slumped shoulders, her inability to maintain eye contact, the way that her friends and family members around her ignored her when they were out on the town. By Dale showing even the smallest amount of kindness to her, Mom felt something she had never felt before. Finally, she was someone who mattered and someone worthy of attention. That was how it started. My Mom may have picked up on the fact that Dale was a loser, but she was blinded by the excitement of being with someone who liked to take her out and have fun. And at first, it was fun for her. Dale would work in the bush during the week, then come back to town with his pockets full of money. They’d go out and have a great time, and then he’d go back out to work. This became the pattern.
Within a few weeks, Dale was living with me, my Mom, and my sister. My sister was only five years old, but she knew something was off about Dale. It wasn’t just that he was physically different from our Dad, who was tall and muscular, while Dale was short and skinny. Dale had a meanness to him and was quick to anger. He would become enraged if you were eating something and it made any kind of sound. If you grabbed a carrot from the fridge and started to chew on it, it would inevitably crunch…and when it did, Dale would flip out and threaten you with a spanking if you kept making “that disgusting noise” as he put it, even though carrots make sounds when you eat them! It was little things like that, but after Dale moved in with us, things got really horrible when they would drink.
Most people go out and have a couple of glasses of wine or a beer, and that’s that. But when Dale drank - his sole purpose was to get so devastatingly drunk that he couldn’t walk and couldn’t see straight. When Dale drank, he and my Mom would go through a case of beer like it was nothing - and that was before they ever made it to the bar. So, after downing a case of beer, they would enlist my five year old sister as my babysitter, and head out. Once they got to the bar, my Mom would continue to have a good time, but this is when the darkness of Dale really started to pour out. The drunker he got, the more jealous he would become. And my young , pretty Mom, had an alcohol-induced confidence, and she would get plenty of attention from other men - and Dale didn’t like it. It could be anything from an innocent glance to a drunken dance, but it all fueled the rage inside Dale.
And that’s when the violence started.
